Today I got the best care package ever. Everything I need at site right now that I didn't necessarily want to find in Phnom Penh, traipsing through markets for pants that would rip in a week (self-experience) or to a department store (pay $50...no thanks!). The food and seasonings and instant meals I DIE! I want to tear into it now but I'm going to participate in the family meal, dreaming about cookies the whole time.
One of my students also won for his grade level in the whole country for those who participated in Write On! the short, creative story competition. We're not sure of the prizes yet but I'm pretty sure it will be a bundle of books! I'll include his umm...interesting essay later.
Today was up and down, an awesome art club where we drew pictures out of words, turning the word into its visual representation. Pictures on facebook. This was, however, after I told the students Tuesday English club will be cancelled until the students can respect me and my free time and the schedule we agreed on. Things were tense but I'm an Aries so….
I then taught my children's class. We used to have great strides but then it's just been going downhill. Students not remembering “I am” after four classes of studying pronouns + to be exclusively. It's frustrating and I ask them why they don't study at home and ask them why they don't pay attention. It takes 40 minutes to get through 6 words and they don't listen or pay attention. I told some of the parents and asked some friends but we're just going to try again. But I'm close to calling it quits, it's not something I'm going to do just to do. I love the kids but not in a classroom context and unfortunately that's what parents want and what is best for their futures.
It's so different than what I expected. Honestly. My site is a mix between rural and urban--10k from the provincial town that just seems to be a bigger version of my town. I'm right off the national road so people could potentially work in Phnom Penh and come back everyday. It's about a 2 hour drive though. It's not so much the isolated village of houses all together with children wandering aimlessly and people hanging out together. It's a bustling market and many, many shops selling all sorts of things. When you find your friends you go somewhere to hangout like a wifi cafe or in your house which is away from the street with a gate. It's definitely more collective but still has many aspects of what I consider individualistic cultures making it a strange purgatory between tradition and modernity.
It's not uncommon for people to sit in front of a television for hours or for kids to help their parents at their shop or playing on a smartphone or sitting in private classes all day. I bike everywhere so, stopping to talk is a commitment and often people think you have somewhere to go. It's mostly true. Every so often I meet someone new and I try to develop more relationships in the neighborhood. It's not necessarily a vibe for me to just go up to everyone and talk like we're ol friends. A lot of people are busy or maybe not so friendly appearing. I don't know. I have a lot of connections and a lot of people saying everyone loves me and wants my children, but I still think about what sort of deeper connections I make with people and what that looks like from a different perspective, different from my own, and it's hard to get that from an indirect culture especially with language barriers and personal investments in each other--don't want to lose face if someone hears you saying something.
I think my community's perception of me is good, they like me, but I do wonder how much they need me or value me. I don't know what more they want/need in their community that I can help them achieve with facilitation and the occasional grant, but those things are going to come with time and patience. Right now I'm focusing on my students, almost 300 of them in my various activities. Hard to imagine having time for other projects when this one is already taking up close to 30 hours of my week. And with the students lack of motivation it seems even longer.
I really don't want to say that but at this point I see students just shut off completely and it's not 1-2 in a class it's like probably close to half of them. I don't know how to encourage them as competitiveness is kind of frowned upon but also they're teenagers. It's just hard to imagine the other communities here that don't have a volunteer but students that are craving extra classes that my community is inundated with. Students sometimes go from 6am-8pm at night with a few breaks and sometimes no lunch. It hurts to see, but that's the culture of education here.
These thoughts may be sporadic or unelaborated, but I want to get this conversation started outside of my head and outside of close circles and just see it visually and just stop to think for a second about where my service is heading.
God speed! I have trader joes snacks waiting for me :)
